Remember

Don’t remind me
how long it has been.
Remind me that you are here
for me, with me, everytime.

Don’t talk about
how badly you miss them.
Sit with me instead
and talk about their favourite memories.

Don’t ask me
to be brave or strong.
Ask me instead
how I am feeling today.

Don’t hesitate
to ask me about my plans.
Help me instead
put my plans in place.

Don’t walk away yet
and let me wallow in my pain.
I may whine and cry and be shallow
but for now, be my supporting cane.

Being the “+1”

(From my Linkedin post)

The idea of this post struck me while watching an episode of “Desperate Housewives” having a re-run for an umpteenth time on the Indian Television. In the episode, Lynette who is formerly a marketing genius gets invited to a convention to Tom Scavo (her husband with new found corporate success) as a “+1”. She cannot relate to playing the second fiddle to her husband and gets into a comic situation while trying to sneak into a talk hosted by one called Chris Cavannaugh who is apparently someone who Lynette idolizes (ofcourse the situation driven by her being excluded from the talk because she is a “+1”). Lynette is unable to come to terms with being just a trophy wife, oh hell just someone’s wife.

I could so relate to the whole situation as I have been there, done that. Whenever I come across a housewife (who I know is capable of doing so much professionally), I am befuddled about the whole trophy wife concept. For people who have achieved professional peaks of success and then having to deal with a hiatus, this is truly a dilemma.  Whether it is taking a break due to pregnancy or to take care of your children or simply because your partner is in a transferable job, a career gap is not all that sugar and honey as it seems to be.

You have to constantly fight prodding questions about your productivity, how you spend your time every day while everybody is out there “working hard” to even inquiring about how you deal with your finances. And I will be a hypocrite if I say that I haven’t asked people such questions.

When you are not professionally engaged, identity crisis is the biggest enemy that you have to constantly battle. “Who am I” is the question that is forever in the realm of your mind. “What is my contribution” is something that will keep you awake at night. Yes, I have been there, done that.

While I continue to fight my little battles everyday, I have realized that you are as useful as you want yourself to be. Hitting the plateau doesn’t mean ditching the craving for learning. Whether it learning a new skill, a new language, or getting a temp assignment, there are myriad ways you can feel more productive, hell even bring a little moolah to the household.

“+1” may not be all that bad as long as you are the “learned and knowledgeable +1”. If your partner beams with pride when introducing you to their acquaintances, you are the definitely the “enviable +1”. For all you know, you may just be the “better one”!

Now that I have shared my opinion, I’m eager to hear your thoughts.

And there you go again!

Sometimes, I feel that I was born to be judged. From the time I was born and the people around judge my face to see who I have taken after, to slowly assessing how I would grow up to be judging my ways.

Strange, isn’t it? Well, it doesn’t stop there. As I grow up, I’m constantly judged by my teachers on my behavior and by my peers to see how I would fit in. Neighbors hawk eye me for juicy gossip and for comparing with their kid. Parents are forever anxious thinking whether I would follow in their footsteps (and hoping that I do).

Then, I’m judged on my capabilities and advised a hundred career options by my well-wishers. How I perform, is judged by my promotions and pay. I’m scrutinized by my choice of life partner and almost, crucified.

As if it wasn’t enough, I’m judged on a daily basis – by the way I eat, walk, talk, what I post on my Facebook, how I react to it?,…

Yes, I was born to be judged and I hope to be so till I rest in peace to see how I look finally in my Obituary photo!

Niche

In the cacophony and euphony of life, she searched for a different sound of her own. Surrounded by people, she wanted to feel distinct. In the party, she always tried a new groove, that something which grabbed eyes. In the school, she was the front bench-er and yet not really not in the front of thoughts of anyone. She defined success as being able to prove her existence, merely felt but enough.

One step into adulthood and she found herself spiraling into the tunnel of the world of grown-ups, yet she managed. Presence was stronger but pressure was more. And then came the complexities of life, love, marriage, friendships and the likes. She sailed through it all, emerging stronger every moment.

Her only fault was her desire to create a niche, a name to be known for. Stronger she was in her character, but weak by strength. Made a life that she thought was her own but as it turned out, it wasn’t her’s after all. Identity was in a crisis that the reasoning couldn’t account for. So, she did the unexpected- disappeared from the madness once and for all. She thought that it was the best thing to do, but was it really?

My new place

Back on my blog after quite a while and it feels so very good. I feel like I’m back to conversing with a stranger through a medium that allows me to express myself and let me be.

So, a lot has changed over the past few days including an address change and in the humdrum of re-establishment, I realized that I just snooze button’ed my favorite hobby – ‘writing’. But the good thing is that somehow this new place brought a clearer sense of purpose to my being. I don’t just love my new place which is close to sea, but I also am feeling refreshed.

Besides doing up the new place which I’m very passionate about, I also made my first travel plan with a long time buddy. Besides getting the logistics arranged, I also somewhat chalked out a career plan (don’t know if long term but I sure love this wind of change).

So, what is the deal with shifting to a new place that brought vigor to my sort of hibernating soul? Is it too much of a comfort level with our present lives that makes us crave for a change? Is it reluctance to conform to the set standard that makes us set new rules? Is it the monstrous monotony that coerces a wind of change?

I know when I’m through with making this home up to my standards, I will lose the steam. But until then, it is a new adventure everyday.

Us and Them

We start our day introspecting in retrospect,

they begin their’s clueless.

We go through a planned morning routine,

they spare no thought about what goes on in their spleen!

 

We rush against time to make it to that meeting,

they strut and hop, screaming and fleeting.

We crave like a drug addict for our morning caffeine,

all they wish for is a gossip session in the canteen.

 

We ponder and plan and blame and criticize

everything from government to colleagues.

They like to debate on topics

that, next day, wouldn’t mean a thing.

 

We are constantly living between ages,

reminiscing past, introspecting today and romancing tomorrow.

For them, all that matters is a full belly,

quirky friends and an outfit to borrow.

 

We go to sleep with myriad thoughts,

of things done, half done and not done.

If it wasn’t for a dreaded exam tomorrow,

worries for them in this world are none.

 

Ages fast forward, people change.

We become a past memory and they become us.

They start their days introspecting in retrospect

while someone else begins their’s clueless.

 

Romancing my mobile camera – I

I have a profound love for my Sony cameraphone and everyone who knows me will swear by this. I’m yet to find the color vibrance that Sony phones give in any other brand phone.

Even though after all these years, I’m finally splurging on a more expensive DSLR, I still feel biased towards my cameraphone.

Here are some of the unedited masterclicks taken with my phone-

Lights on the eve of Ganesh Utsav

Taken at ‘Kingdom of Dreams’, Gurgaon, India

Location – Gujarat

 

 

Location – Kochi, India

Location – CST Railway Station, Mumbai, India

 

Great Expectations

Life’s small but great expectations-

1. A ‘hit-with-the-masses’ blog- So you thought the moment you start typing on your laptop, you would become an Ayn Rand or a J. K. Rowling. Well, think again, work harder.
2. A thousand likes for your pic- It is perhaps human nature to expect adulation and be the star of the party. It’s disappointing when you don’t receive more than 10 likes on your newly uploaded pic, right?
3. The on-his-knees guy- Before marriage, he was the most romantic guy on earth showering you with flowers and chocolates and surprise candlelight dinners. Now, it looks like some evil spirit has taken over him and he’s forever gaping at television with his ass glued to the couch.
4. The sexy girl next door- Your sexy arm candy of a girl just transformed into a basketball version of the same with her pear like belly constantly teasing you of the older naughtier times. Hello, are you already checking out your new neighbor?
5. Job of your dreams- So, you slogged 15 hours every day, day after day and are now clueless on where you are headed? Dream on baby because you were clearly headed in the wrong direction from the start.
6. Have a happy family of two boys, two girls- You planned everything, from the partner to the conception to the delivery month. All of a sudden, things go awry and expectations go sour.
7. One ‘super’ vacation every year- You planned to visit all the nook and crannies of the world but you are forever short on either time or money to make that happen
8. The legend- Who doesn’t want to be the next Nobel Prize winner or for that matter, the Booker Prize/Oscar? But stuck in the web of life, that dream is so distant for now.
9. Life of my dreams- No car breakdowns, no traffic jams, no waiting endlessly for someone, no missing out on promotions at work, no getting stood up by dates, no getting a blind eye by someone whose attention you crave and all the other ‘Godly’ things.

The list is longer but I can live with these for now 🙂

 

Where’s my space?

 

Read in today’s entertainment digest that some XYZ actress is heading back to school to lead a “normal” life. Apparently, she considers the fact that people overseas don’t recognize her, a boon. She would like to head out for evening jogs and be able to interact with people without being hounded by the paparazzi.

I’m not amazed at this news, just a little amused. Amused to see how limelight affects people. We want to be the center of attention at gatherings and want everyone’s world to revolve around us. If you think this isn’t true, you are clearly LYING! We all want our existence to be felt. I’m also amused at how these stars struggled for all the recognition and are now battling for privacy!

This is not the first case, there have been million others where people have either died craving attention or have died because of it.

But whatever you say, getting noticed is everybody’s birthright. What we do with it is our perspective. We all want to be the life of the party, to be the one who’s jokes are laughed at by everyone and the one who leads the herd. Most of us are omnipresent, on Facebook or on Twitter. Most of us long to have our life events “liked” and “commented on” by people. Yes, MOST of us!

And then we begin shunning the “limelight”. We begin to crave for so-called “Space”. We don’t want people entering our homes at unearthly hours or giving us unwelcome advice. And do we get solace after doing all this? Hmmmm…

No, then we start running after “attention”, it truly is one vicious circle. The fact remains that we are social animals as we were taught in school. The important thing is to maintain the circles of influence, keep our family and friends closer and acquaintances along the periphery. It’s “us” who can protect our privacy.